I’ve been thinking…

kissing is objectively strange.

Two people press their face-holes together,

close their eyes like they’re praying,

and pretend swapping spit is the height of romance.

And somehow—somehow—this became normal?

Like, who started this?

Who was the trailblazing romantic that looked at another human and thought:

“Yeah. Let me gently mash my lips into theirs until something stirs.”

And let’s talk about tongues.

What kind of freak was like:

“This is good, but what if we made it slippery and complicated?”

No, seriously—

I just want to talk.

Because somewhere in history,

two awkward, probably unwashed people

accidentally invented this social contract

where lips and saliva mean affection.

And the rest of us?

We just nodded and said,

“Sure. Sign me up.”

Now we’re all out here

judging chemistry by how well

someone rotates their mouth parts.

Imagine being the first person

to close your eyes while kissing—

Did the other person think they died?

And don’t get me started on post-kiss eye contact.

Do I look at you like I love you?

Like I want more?

Like I’m proud of us?

No one knows the rules.

But we do it anyway—

over and over—

because somebody started it

and we never asked enough questions.

So here I am.

Participating.

Performing mouth ballet

because someone before me

thought this was the most efficient way

to say I like you.

Who invented kissing…

and why am I involved?

_________

What’s the most bizarre social norm you’ve never understood?